In a Democratic future, all living things will have certain unalienable rights. From the tallest redwood to the tiniest cockroach, all creatures that inhabit the Earth will be protected from abuse, no matter what form it may take.
Children as young as three will have the right to be emancipated from their parents, but since they will not be allowed to work, they will also have the right to generous assistance from the U.S. government. All plants will have the right to grow and spread, creating problems for farmers, landscapers, and arborists alike. Mice will have the right to “coexist” with you in your house, but cats will no longer have the right to eat mice, and any feline caught trampling on a mouse’s civil liberties will be arrested quickly and sent to one of many “cat camps” for re-education. Finally, the streptococcus bacterium will have the right to infect any human it chooses, and any attempt to kill it will be treated the same as murder.
However, in a Democratic future, certain rights will also have to be rescinded for the good of the world as a whole. No one will have the right to own a gun, and all firearms will be kept safe in the hands of the U.S. government and its massive bureaucracy. Freedom of speech will be adjusted slightly so that only non-offensive speech will be protected, and many standup comedians and talk radio hosts will be forced to get real jobs. All religions will be forced to merge together so that the government will not be seen as promoting a certain type, and any teachings that could be construed as offensive to anyone will cease. Anyone seen disposing of recyclable material in an unauthorized fashion will be arrested and sent to forced labor camps to help harvest and refine bio-fuels (all plants for use in bio-fuels must be allowed to die naturally, as it will be a crime to kill any living thing). And the education system will be changed as well; because every student will have a right to succeed, failing grades will no longer be acceptable and the lowest mark any student will be allowed to receive is a B-.
